


Broken and Scarred

by Action Kitty (Lyra_87)



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Death, F/M, Grief, Loneliness, Possible smut, Romance, Second Chances, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-02-08 01:27:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1921482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_87/pseuds/Action%20Kitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank's world is turned upside down at the loss of his beloved wife, and mother of his three young children. Circumstances forces him to hire Jennifer, a young charismatic daycare assistant as a live in nanny while he struggles to piece his life back together.</p><p>Jennifer doesn't believe she'll ever find love. When she gets offered a job to nanny Frank's three children, she jumps at the opportunity to move away from the boyfriend who broke her heart.</p><p>Can two broken hearts find solace in each other and mend their scars?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

*Frank POV*

There are very few things I’ve learned in this life. Some things, my father taught me, like to always carry a condom in your wallet, because a guy should always be responsible and prepared. Some things, my mother taught me, like how to bake cinnamon cookies, and that education is important if you want to get anywhere in this life. Some things, you just learn as you go along. One, I learned all by myself, is that life is full of tragedies. Some of them are foreseen, but unavoidable, like a hurricane that’s heading straight for your home. You can try and minimise the damage, by boarding up the doors and windows,but there’s only so much you can do to avoid the destruction that’s heading your way. It’s an evitable destruction, but even in the chaos, you mentally prepare yourself for the pain and loss that lies ahead. Others come quick and unexpectedly, giving you no time to prepare for the mental anguish ahead. You can’t pack away the things you hold dearest to you. You don’t get to run to safety to try and save yourself, so that you can fight another day. There’s no time to prepare for the worst that can happen. Those ones hurt the most, because regret is an emotion that sticks with you until the end of your days.

You spend the rest of your days living with regret over the things that you can never change, like the argument you had with your wife that morning before you left for work, because it was your turn to drop the kids off at day care, but you woke up late, and you were behind schedule,and why couldn’t she just drop them off instead for once, when she wasn’t in a rush like you were. You regret storming out of the house with a slam of the front door, not even saying goodbye because you were angry and pissed off and tired. You regret not saying ‘I love you’ one last time, instead of giving the silent treatment. You regret not picking up the phone when she tried to call you, because you were too busy with work to talk to her for just two minutes. You regret not checking your phone until six thirty, to see that the day care centre had given you three missed calls and a voicemail to ask why your three children haven’t been collected yet. You regret that your first instinct wasn’t worry, but immediate fury that your wife forgot to get the kids on her day to collect them. 

This regret doesn’t hit when you get a phone call on your way to pick the children up, informing you that your wife is in hospital as a result of a car crash. It doesn’t hit you when you drop the kids of at your mother’s house before you speed down to the hospital, certain that she’ll be okay and probably only has a few bruises and whiplash. It doesn’t hit you when the nurse informs you that the only woman you ever loved is in emergency surgery, but she should be okay, as she’s in good hands and the doctors and nurses know what they’re doing. It doesn’t hit you when the doctor comes to you two hours later in the waiting room where you’ve been pacing non-stop, his voice grave and apologetic as he explains there was too much internal bleeding that resulted in unforeseen complications during surgery. It doesn’t hit you when he tells you he’s sorry for your loss, but that they did everything they could. It doesn’t hit when you’re at the funeral home, picking out her coffin, and which song to play at the burial. It doesn’t hit you when you’re holding the hands of your two daughters while they watch their mother’s polished coffin lower into the grave, their faces confused as their three year old minds try to understand what is going on around them, and why everyone is dressed in black, and acting so sad. It doesn’t even hit you as everybody tells you how sorry they are for your loss. That she was a beautiful, generous, amazing woman, and that they’re going to miss her.

It hits you that night, when everyone has gone home, and the children have gone to bed. It hits you when you enter the bedroom you'd shared with your wife of five years, and you realise that she’s not coming home. You begin to let all the stupid, silly things you wish you could change spin around your head, until the tears you’ve held in start to fall down your cheeks in torrents, and silent sobs shake your body, until you’re nothing more than a sad, sorry heap on the bedroom floor. All the regrets land on top of you like a landslide, crashing down hard, fast and painfully. In that moment there’s nothing in the world that can console you. Nothing can make you see the light at the end of the tunnel, because there is no light in the world anymore. It left when she did. The desire to leave and follow her is strong, but you remind yourself that it isn’t just you who’s affected by the tragedy. There are three children who have no idea that they’ve suffered a great loss. You have to remember that you’re all they have left now. You are now the sole parent of three little people, and the thought scares you more than anything. You eventually pick yourself up off the floor, crawling over onto the bed, and curling up in a ball. Life hasn’t ended just because she’s gone, but for next few hours, you want to drown in the pain, sorrow and regret. In a few hours, the children she brought into the world will wake up, looking to be fed, clothed and entertained, as it’ll just be another day for them. In a few hours, you have to start figuring out how to continue on without her love, guidance and patience. It seems an impossible task, and you wonder whether it’s even possible. She was the calm, patient one who held everything together. Everything had meaning; everything had a purpose, because she was always there, beside you at every turn, smiling at you with love and warmth. She made life worth living, because no matter how bad things were, no matter how blue, angry irrational you got at times, she would always wrap her arms around you, and give you a kiss at night, reassuring you that it was going to be okay. She gave you the three best gifts you had ever received, because she loved you, and trusted you enough to be there for her, through the hard times, as well as the good.

I’ve learned the hard way about regrets, and how sharp and torturous the pain is as it gnaws away at you with no reprieve or respite. I know about it, because it’s me curled up on the king sized bed that now has a vacant place where my wife used to sleep. It’s me who has to grasp the concept that when I wake up in the morning, I’ll be waking up alone. She’s gone, and I’m still here. Broken and scarred, but still here to soak and drown in my regrets.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I know I've been MIA for a while. Life has been really hectic, and motivation has been zero lately. I offer this though, and I am writing other updates as we speak. Let's hope I can get my ass back into gear. 
> 
> Also, I set up a twitter account, @MCR_Lyra You can ask me questions and remind me to update! I hope to hear from some of you guys :)

Jennifer was on the early shift that morning, opening up the Day Care at seven thirty for the early arrivals. Her eyes were heavy, still desperate for sleep, but, alas, work had other ideas and forced her out of bed that morning, despite her desperate desire to stay curled underneath the blankets. She was greeted by her manager, who wore an unusually grave expression on her face that morning, replacing her normal cheery smile that made working in such a high-stress environment a little bit easier to tolerate.

It wasn’t an easy job. Long hours, low pay, no benefits, high stress and more paperwork than Jennifer liked to think about. Looking after other people’s little darlings, their pride and joy, along with ten other people’s precious angels wasn’t something for the faint of heart. For Jennifer, she sometimes wondered if she made the right choice after studying in college to take such an underappreciated job. Then her day would start off with a million and one hugs, and any doubts would disappear. It was a hard job, but she couldn’t see herself doing anything else. She could have worked as an elementary school teacher, she was qualified as such, but during college she realised that her interest lay more in the earlier years. She firmly believed it was important for children to get a good start in life before the entered the school system. She was also afforded the ability to be a bit more personal with the children. In a school environment, she would be forced to be more distant and aloof with the children, something she found hard to do. All in all, she was happy and content with her work, despite its shortcomings.

It was in a stark contrast to her personal life, which was a complete shambles. Her life had been seemingly perfect up until two weeks ago. She had a nice apartment, with a nice boyfriend. Derek was an average looking guy, but he was kind, and he had an amazing sense of humour. That was what Jennifer had fallen for in the beginning. No matter how bad her day had gone, he was able to make her smile in spite of herself. He was great in bed, and he was generous when it came to his time and attentions. He worked for some financial corporation, with a super long title, that really meant he was little more than a pencil pusher. A well paid pencil pusher, but a pencil pusher, none the less. He provided Jennifer with security, and when he had asked her to move into his apartment a year ago, she had gladly packed her belongings, leaving a crappy apartment, with a crappy roommate, behind.

Now, she was living with her asshole of a boyfriend, Derek, who had revealed to her only two weeks ago that he had been cheating on her with a co-worker. Her name was Debbie. Jennifer had been stunned when he told her one night over dinner. She had forced it out of him, after a week of Derek not meeting her eye and acting like a puppy who had been caught peeing on the carpet.

He had been apologetic when he had poured his guts out to her, telling her that he hadn’t meant for it to happen. He had been drunk at an office party to celebrate a successful end of quarter. It didn’t mean anything, he said. He wanted them to work it out, he told her. He said it wouldn’t happen again. In his mind, they were still together. Every night, he asked if she was coming back into their bed. Every night, she ignored him, and stayed on the couch. She would have left, but getting her own place was almost impossible on her budget. She was scouring the newspapers for ‘Roommate Wanted’, but they were either out of her price range, or just too far away for a practical commute to work. Staying with friends wasn’t an option, since none of them had a bed for her to stay on, and their couch wasn’t going to be any better than the one she was on. Her parents lived out of state, and she wasn’t ready to leave New Jersey. She loved the shitty place, even if it was dank and dirty and rough around the edges.

"Hey, Carla, is everything alright?" she asked in concern, worried at the sight of the normally bubbly woman with a frown and glassy eyes on her pretty face. She wondered if a parent had complained, or if her husband had once again been the cause of her misery. He was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve to have such an amazing wife. He took advantage of her sweet nature by running her down, and holding her back from socialising with her friends, while he spent most of his nights in the bar.

"Jamia Iero died in a car crash last night."

Jennifer’s hand clamped over her mouth in shock, all traces of tiredness leaving her as a cold shiver ran down her spine when the words registered with her. She knew Jamia and Frank quite well. Their twins had been in her care from the moment they stepped foot in the place, while their son was in the baby room as of two months previously. She had a soft spot for the couple, who were obviously still crazy in love. Jamia was a sweet woman, who always made a point of showing her appreciation for the care the girls received at every opportunity, while Frank was friendly, and much needed eye candy, at the start, or end, of the day, depending on the day of the week. Jennifer had even babysat for the couple on numerous occasions in their perfect home, something she did regularly to subsidise her low wages. The relationship she had with the couple was friendlier than the normal ‘parent-carer’ relationship she had with other parents. She had a strong bond with the girls too. She was the only carer who had stayed with the girls for the last two years, and it went without saying that they adored her too. She was the only one they listened to, and the only one they wanted when they got upset if they fell in the garden of the centre, or if another child took their toy.

"Oh, no,"she whispered, her voice a little shaky, as she processed the information.

"The children will be off for the next couple of days, at least. I was going to send flowers, maybe, and a card. We can’t forget the card. Poor Frank,” Carla muttered to herself, still in shock.

Jennifer felt the tears prick at the corner of her eyes, which she wiped away with a less than steady hand.

“What happened?” Jennifer asked, trying to make sense of it all.

“It was a single vehicle accident. Some drunk stepped out in front of her car, according to the news. She swerved to avoid him, crashed into a tree.”

“Fuck,” Jennifer breathed out, remembering hearing something on the news about it that morning on her way into work. She hadn’t paid too much attention to it, other than feeling a brief pang of sympathy for the family. Never had she thought for one second that it would be someone she knew, someone she saw every day, someone who had given her Christmas presents, and even a birthday present the year before, when the girls had insisted that they make a card for ‘their favourite teacher’. 

“Those poor kids. They’ll never know their own mother.”

Silence fell, the two women taking a moment to collect themselves. Jennifer didn’t realise she was shaking, her skin prickling from a sudden coldness that was cooling her entire body down a few degrees.

“We better get the breakfast room ready,” Carla sighed, still a little pale, but her professionalism took over. As shocking and painful as the news was, they were still in work. There were still other children coming in,who needed to be taken care of, and Jennifer was thankful that it was one of their busier days, that wouldn’t afford her much opportunity to dwell on the news.

**

Of course, many parents had asked about the Ieros’. They were a small centre, and many of the parents of the children in her group would have known each other. A lot of the children had play dates outside of the centre, and the parents would bond over having children the same age while juggling the daily grind of working and parenting. Parents seemed to believe that Jennifer and Carla would have the answers to their burning questions, but the truth was that they didn’t know any more than they did. Frank’s call in the morning had been short and brisk. He hadn’t even given Carla the reason for the children not being in – he had only informed her that they would be off ‘for a short while’.

The funeral was to be held the following day. Jennifer didn’t have to request the time off to go – Carla had told her when it was, and gave her the money to buy a flower arrangement. It had been a surreal experience for her, going into a florist to ask for a funeral bouquet. It struck Jennifer that she had never actually dealt with loss before. Her grandparents had passed away before she was born, and her parents and siblings were still alive and healthy. Her parents were a bit older, but their health was perfect.

Jennifer fought to blink back tears when the realisation hit her that one day she would be back, buying flowers for her parents, or another loved one. The florist looked at her with concern, afraid that Jennifer would break down in her store. She didn’t ask if she was alright, though – the girl had dealt with enough grieving people to know it was the last question they wanted to be asked. Jennifer paid and left as quickly as she could, rushing to the safety of her car where she didn’t have to hold back the stray tears that leaked from her eyes.

“Fuck,” she hissed under her breath in the silence of her car.

A sudden need to check that her parents were still okay had her fumbling for her cell, and it wasn’t until her mother’s voice picked up the phone with a wispy ‘hello’, that Jennifer felt a little more in control of her emotions. 

“Are you okay, Jen?” her mother asked, her motherly instinct kicking in, as though her motherly powers could just sense that there was more to Jennifer’s call than her mumbled excuse that she was just checking in.

“I’m fine,” she gave a mirthless laugh, and she cringed with just how fake it was.

“How are things with Derek?” her mother asked, prodding for some clue as she did when she knew Jennifer wasn’t being entirely honest with her.

“They’re…going.” Jennifer avoided giving a definite answer. Her mother would know if she was lying, but she didn’t have the strength of mind to tell her mother the mess she found herself in.

She could just imagine her mother’s response.

_‘Just come back home_ _, Jen. You have your room here, and I can have a word with Vicky about getting a job in her little place_ _she just opened up last year_ _._ _Remember I told you about it? You’re never too old to come back home, you know.’_

“That sounds vague,” her mother’s voice was a little thorny, almost like a warning that she was on to Jennifer’s white lie.

“There’s just not much to tell, mom. It’s the same old, same old, really.”

“Why are you really calling, dear? You never call on a Tuesday.”

“I- “ Jennifer swallowed, her throat constricting painfully tight. She knew she wouldn’t get away with not giving a reason for her call. She kicked herself for calling, now that she knew they were okay. “A parent, the mother of the twins in my group…she died last night.”

“Oh, honey,” her mother’s voice soothed down the phone, comforting her, even from the hundreds of miles that separated them.

“I just…I babysat for her and her husband a few times. It’s just-” Jennifer stopped, unsure how to finish her sentence.

“Death is never easy for those left behind honey, especially not for the young. Her poor husband,” her mother sighed pensively.

“The funeral is tomorrow. My manager is giving me the day off, so I can go.”

“At least you get to say goodbye,” her mother said with a little more confidence in her tone.

“Yeah,” Jennifer trailed off. “I should go, mom. I’ll call you on Saturday.”

“Okay, dear. Call me if you need anything. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jennifer smiled a tight smile, feeling somewhat comforted by her mother’s loving words.

She hung up, taking in a deep breath. She started up her car, turned up the volume on her radio, and steeled herself for a difficult morning that was to come.


	3. Chapter 3

*Frank pov*

“Maybe you should get out of the house for a bit? Take the kids to the park or something? The fresh air will do you and the kids some good.”

Frank’s mother spoke hesitantly, watching as he took a sip of scalding coffee. Her heart swelled with heartbreaking concern when she took in his features. His skin was paler than normal, and his dark eyes were puffy and sore looking from the lack of sleep. She didn’t need to ask to know that he hadn’t slept since the night Jamia… She couldn’t even let the word ‘died’ enter her mind. The word itself was so final, so harsh, and cold. The term ‘passed on’ was preferable. It denoted the idea that a person might be in a better place. It was more peaceful, at least.

One of the worst pains a parent could endure, was to see their child suffer, knowing there was nothing that they could do. That was the pain Cindy felt every moment since her son had called her on the phone, his voice broken, and yet eerily calm. He had changed that night, and as a mother, it was a hard sight to take in. His easy smile had vanished, without a trace, the light behind his eyes, gone with it. Every word that left his mouth was spoken with a defeated, emotionless tone that Cindy had never heard from her only child before. Her heart was broken into tiny little fractures, sharp and eager to pierce her in the only place she was truly weak. Her son (and, by extension, his children) was her everything.

Cindy had gone through many painful things in her life. She had lost her parents, survived an acrimonious divorce and raised a child single-handed. Frank, as a child, had spent more nights in hospital than she cared to remember, which had caused her financial stress, on top of the strain of a sick child. She had been through so much in her life, but watching her son go through the loss of his wife, was perhaps the most difficult hurdle that had been thrown her way. He was lost, and she had no clue how to help him find his way back to some kind of normalcy. She didn’t know if he ever could.

That frightened her the most, the fear that Frank would never recover. That, at the young age of twenty nine, Frank would forever carry the burden of widowhood. Cindy knew that only time could heal, and she was also aware that Frank had loved Jamia with all his heart. Cindy had too;  in Jamia, she had found the daughter she had always longed for. She had spent her life alone, after her failure of a marriage, and her one wish for Frank was that he would avoid that fate. That he would be the man his father couldn’t be. And she was proud to see that he was. She tried to remain hopeful that he would continue to be.

Frank sighed, unaware of the various jumbled thoughts running through his mother’s head. He wasn’t aware of much anymore, if truth be told. Days and nights were blurring into each other as the seconds, minutes and hours ticked by endlessly, giving him no respite. His hair was a mess. It was greasy, unkempt and sticking out everywhere in a manner that was obviously not intended. He ran a hand over his face; his left hand, the one where the weight of his wedding band was still felt. He couldn’t take it off. He promised himself he never would, either.

“It might do the kids some good to get out,” Frank agreed reluctantly, “Do you think you could do it?”

Frank normally wouldn’t ask his mother to take on a responsibility that wasn’t hers. He was never the kind of person who would willingly wave off a duty to another person, especially not his mother, who had already done her time raising a child. The idea of leaving the house was just too much to bear, though. What if he bumped into someone he knew? What if they gave their condolence, or, even worse, asked _how_ _he was_ _doing?_

That wasn’t the only reason, though. The real truth was painful to admit. It was a bitter pill to swallow, when he looked at his children, and saw the pain and confusion in their eyes. The girls asking (yet again) for mommy, not understanding that she was gone, and never coming back, and Miles had cried more times in the last week than he had in the last two months. He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew something wasn’t right. He missed his mother, and his cranky behaviour was a testament to the fact, even if he couldn’t verbalise the words yet.

“You have to leave the house sometime, Frank. Why not now? Call up that friend of yours…Gerard, is it? The one with a girl the same age as the twins? The twins would like that. You need a bit of human interaction, Frank. From more than just me,” Cindy added, when Frank opened his mouth, about to question what species Cindy considered herself to be.

Frank may have been twenty nine years old, but it didn’t make him impervious to the stern glare his mother was directing at him. It was the look she gave when he knew she wouldn’t take any more arguing from him.

“Fine,” Frank conceded, as much as he hated it. He placed his mug on the table, waiting for the caffeine hit to work its way into his system before he called Gerard.

“Also, work has been calling. I told them I needed a few more days, but…I need to get back by next week. You might want to start thinking about putting the kids back into daycare. The routine would be good for them. Maybe it’d be good for you to think about going to work too. Being in the house all day isn’t good for any of you.”

“Oh,” Frank’s eyebrows furrowed. He hadn’t given a thought to the practicalities of going back to work. He had to go back eventually.His mother was right about that.

“I know it mightnot seem like the best time to bring it up, but...Well, these things have to be thought about sooner or later. The girls keep asking about a Jen, I think? Is she a friend, or something?”

“She’s their caretaker in the centre. The girls are fond of her,” Frank commented. It felt strange to talk about something so ordinary, so mundane.

“Aw, that’s nice.”

Frank felt unease in the pit of his stomach. Life would have to move on eventually. Four weeks had already passed, and Frank knew that things like work and bills wouldn’t wait much longer. There was a financial aspect he hadn’t let himself think about. He had a mortgage to pay, and daycare bills, among others. None of them had changed, but now, Frank was the sole earner. They hadn’t needed the money from Jamia’s job – Frank was lucky to earn enough money to cover everything, but it would still be a strain, nonetheless.

It was an unexpected pressure, to be solely responsible for providing. With Jamia by his side, it had felt like an easy task. Now, he was alone. His job could be demanding at times, and he did more overtime than he was happy about. How could he fit in his work responsibilities with his personal life? Would his children have to spend even more of their lives in daycare than they already did? The scenario didn’t sit comfortably with him. As a parent, it had been hard to separate himself from his children for so long. What about if he had to stay behind in work? That was something that came with the territory, and personal circumstances went out the window. Would he have to take them out of the centre and hire a nanny, and bring even more upset and change into their lives? How would he even find a person he could trust with the three most important people in his life?

It was overwhelming, and entirely too much to try and deal with so early in the morning. There was too much to figure out, too many issues that he couldn’t even think about at the moment.

“What are you thinking about?” Cindy interrupted Frank’s path down a train of thought that would only lead to a panic attack.

“I don’t know how to do this, mom.”

The statement was met with a loud sigh of sadness.

“I wish I had all the answers, Frankie. I think that, for now, all you can do is take everything one day at a time. I always found that time was the best healer.”

Frank nodded, giving his mother a shadow of a reassuring smile. He knew she was trying her best. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he just couldn’t believe that it would ever get easier, or the pain more manageable. There was a part of his heart missing; the part that Jamia had taken with her when she died. It was an empty space that filled with pain every time he thought about Jamia, which was every second of every day. The house was filled with her memories.Their children looked so much like her that it was almost scary. Every action, every thought, related back to her.

“I’m going to call Gerard,” Frank announced, scraping his chair off the tiled floor unnecessarily. He needed to think about something else – anything else.

**

Frank almost felt sorry for Gerard. It was obvious that Gerard felt awkward, and Frank was almost beginning to regret taking his mother’s advice. Gerard was huddled up in his oversized parka coat, keeping out the October chill. His dark brown hair was shorter than normal, and on a normal occasion, he was certain Gerard would have bitched about it. It wasn’t a lot of fun to be the person nobody knows how to interact with anymore. They didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. What was a safe topic of conversation? What if they said something stupid in a moment of thoughtlessness?

“So, how’s Mikey?” Frank decided to take the figurative wheel, and ease the awkward tension.

“He’s good.Really good. Met a new girl, and he seems pretty into her.”

“That guy just can’t stay single,” Frank giggled, not too surprised that Mikey had moved on from his failed engagement within a couple of months.

“He just doesn’t know how to be alone, I think.” Gerard stated thoughtfully.

“Most people don’t,” Frank agreed.

There was a lull in their short conversation. The three girls were on a climbing frame, while Miles happily watched from his buggy.

“How are you coping?” Gerard asked.

Frank could have laughed. It was such a Gerard thing to be so blunt.

“As good as can be expected. The world keeps moving on, and eventually I have to roll with it, apparently. My mom says that I should get back to work. She’s right, but, just…I don’t want to leave the kids. Not until I know that they’re ready. They’ve been through so much already, and I don’t want to upset them more than needed.”

Gerard nodded.

“Honestly, though, they’re never going to be ready. All you can do is make sure you do everything you can to minimise the damage.”

“And how do I do that? If I hire a new nanny, it’s going to be a stranger. If I leave them back on daycare, they’ll be there from morning to closing, and that in itself is just as bad. I’d never see them that way.”

“Then find someone you know,” Gerard answered simply.

Frank looked at Gerard as though he’d grown two heads. Or started speaking an alien language.

“Yeah, because I know a shit ton of people looking to nanny three children under the age of three.”

“No need for the sarcasm. If you ask around, you might be surprised. Current economy, and all that.Someone will be looking for work.”

“I don’t just want anyone minding my children, Gerard. I need someone I trust. Someone who knows how to handle children.”

That was when Frank was hit with an idea.

“I think I know the right person” Frank thought out loud.

“Who?” Gerard’s tone was genuinely surprised from the sudden change.

“In the daycare, the girls carer…the girls love her. She’d be perfect.”

“Do you think she’d do it?”

Frank shrugged.

“I have no idea. There’s only one way to find out I suppose.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> are you guys liking this story so far?Your thoughts are always welcomed!
> 
> Lyra xx


	4. Chapter Three

***Jennifer POV***

 

Things went from bad to worse for Jennifer in the two weeks that followed. Derek was still in denial about the fact their relationship was over. He went from trying to cajole Jennifer into forgiving him, to being angry at her for ‘making a big deal about one mistake’. Hs patience was wearing thin with her seemingly, and his could no longer keep up his ‘I’m so sorry’ facade. Jennifer didn’t expect any different from him, but it hit a nerve that he was trying to guilt her into forgiving him, that he felt he was entitled to dictate her feelings. He truly believed that she should be grateful that he ‘chose’ her over the ‘mistake’, as he called her. 

 

She continued to sleep on the couch every night in the month since she found out about Derek fucking whats-her-face, which her body was slowly getting used to. Her constant searching for a ‘room to let’ wasn’t going well, and it only served to lower her already bad mood that day.  She had gotten dressed that morning, feeling the weight of all her stress firmly on her shoulders. She was feeling sorry for herself but, she felt like she was right to feel so lost. She loved her job, and that was the only thing going for her at that moment. The children’s smiles, and enthusiasm, was what kept her going, and stalled the oncoming depression she knew she’d be drowning in otherwise.

 

Jennifer parked in front of the daycare centre, and took a deep, calming breath. She sat in the quiet cocoon of her car, pushing the stress of the morning out of her mind and off her shoulders.She couldn’t let it get to her in work- the kids deserved better than that. They might say they were ’big’ boys and girls, but they were still so little, and overly aware of other’s emotions . They didn’t need Jennifer’s stress to be taken out on them. She got out of the car, and started a new day.

 

******

The day went as well as any other day. There were a couple of tantrums over toys, and of course someone thought it would be funny to throw their food during lunch time.  It wasn’t a bad day , but Jennifer still found herself counting down the time until she was able to clock off. Her mind wasn’t really in the job that day. She tried so hard not to let Derek’s actions get to her, or the worry and stress about the current messy state of her life and lack of ability to fix it.

 

She grabbed her handbag and jacket from her locker. It was an automatic habit to check her phone the second she opened her handbag, since she wasn’t able to have her on her while around the children. She was shocked to see a text message from Frank waiting on her phone. She hadn’t seen him since the day of the funeral. She remembered that blank but haunted look on his face, the twins clinging to him as they watched their mother lowered down into the grave. Little Miles had been in some woman’s arms, Jennifer recognised the woman as one of the grandmother’s, but she wasn’t certain from which side. It was heartbreaking to watch, and the overwhelming feeling of unfairness had taken over the sadness for a few seconds, when she realised that the children who would never know their mother, never remember her hugs and kisses, or the way she said ‘I love you.’ Jennifer had wanted to give Frank her condolences, but so many people had surrounded him the second the graveside blessing had ended. There was nothing she could say that hadn’t been said to him already. The children hadn’t returned to the daycare since, which wasn’t surprising. She had wondered if they would return at all, considering the circumstances.

 

The text message was short. “Hi Jennifer, it’s Frank. I was wondering if you could meet me this evening, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about” 

 

She furrowed her brows, a little confused as to what he could possibly want to talk about.

 

“I just finished work, I could meet you in half an hour?”

 

She shrugged on her jacket, just as her phone vibrated.

 

“Great. Could you call around to the house?”

 

“K, see you shortly” she typed out quickly. 

 

She didn’t know what else she was feeling. Her stomach was clenched uncomfortably, an unease settling in. She never had much exposure to death, and she would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little flustered at the prospect of being around Frank. Were there rules on how to talk to someone who has recently become widowed? Should she giver her condolences again, or not talk about Jamia? What if she spoke insensitively by accident? Her mouth ran away on her sometimes, and her worse fear was to make a difficult time even worse by blurting out a stupid remark. She was shaking; not too obviously but it was enough that she could feel it. She knew it was irrational for her to be so nervous; Frank had gone through a tragedy that changed his life certainly, but he was still Frank. She didn’t know him too well on a personal level, their relationship was entirely professional even when babysitting, but they had been friendly. He wasn’t a stranger, so she shouldn’t treat hima s such. She reminded herself of that as she parked in his driveway. She noted there was only one car. They had always been two, and it only further reminded Jennifer that Jamia was gone. It made a lump form in her throat, as she thought of the fact that there were three children in the house who had lost a mother. It physically pained her that their lives had been changed, that they would always be missing someone. It seemed so unfair.

 

She steeled herself in the car, forced the lump in her throat down. She needed to get a grip on herself before she knocked on the door. A moment later, she was in front of the door, pushing the doorbell. She didn’t have to wait too long for the door to open, revealing a frazzled looking Frank. She could hear the sound of little feet running towards the door, and seconds later the twins were squealing in delight.

 

“Jenny’s here!” they both said in unison, in a way only twins could do.

 

“Girls, can we let Jennifer come in please,” Frank sounded tired and worn. “Hi Jennifer, thanks for coming.”

 

“It was no problem at all,”Jennifer said, fighting to keep the awkwardness out of her voice. She gave him a fleeting smile, which wasn’t returned. 

 

Frank opened the door wide for her to walk through. She didn’t make it one step inside before the twins were clinging to her legs. Both legs were held hostage to the girls, who were squeezing so tightly that the she could feel the lack of blood flowing. She smiled down at the girls, wrapping her arms around them with her first genuine smile in what felt like a long time.

 

“Are you coming to mind us?” Lily spoke first.

“We can watch Frozen before bed!” Cherry’s voice was full of excitment.

 

“Girls, Jennifer won’t be minding you tonight. Can you go to the living room while I speak to Jennifer?” Frank cut through the girl’s delight, leaving them with disappointed faces. The refused to let go of Jennifer’s legs, glaring at their father with a challenging stare.

 

“Now!” Frank’s voice rose a fraction, his tone somehow even more stern.

 

“You never let us have fun anymore!” Lily was indignant, before she let go of Jennifer’s leg and stomped towards the living room. Cherry ran after her, and Jennifer knew she was going to comfort her upset twin.  

 

Jennifer had been in the house many times before, and new it well. There had always been a sort of...energy, in the home. You stepped inside and felt that it was a happy home. There were pictures of the children everywhere, from the hallway to the living rooms,  there was laundry in baskets in the utility room just aside from the kitchen. The kitchen was always full of ‘healthy’ kids treats, the living room was a little messy because no home with three children under four could ever be really tidy.  The house was different now. The pictures were still up, the living room was probably still messy, but the energy she had always felt had vanished without a trace. The warmth was gone, leaving a stale atmosphere behind. 

  
  


Frank sighed, running a hand over his face. Jennifer had the chance to finally look at him properly. She saw lines she had never noticed before. The dark circles under his eyes were almost black. He looked like a man who hadn’t slept in a long time.

 

“Sorry about that. Would you like something to drink?”

 

“Coffee, if you have it” Jennifer replied, before following him into the kitchen.

 

He had a coffee maker, with a pot of coffee already filled. He motioned for her to take a seat at the table, before he grabbed two coffee mugs and poured the black liquid. He then turned to look at Jennifer.

 

“Do you take anything in your coffee?”

 

“Just a bit of sugar and creamer if you have it.”

 

He was quiet as he added the creamer and sugar into the mug, before adding creamer to his own mug. He sat at the table and handed her the nug wordlessly.

 

“So, you’re probably wondering why I asked you to come?” He said, breaking the silence.

 

“Just a bit.” 

 

“I’m going to be blunt. Since Jamia…” he paused, as though his voice had caught, “passed, I’ve been trying to figure out what’s the best thing to do for the kids. I’ve to go back to work, sooner than I’d like. I don’t want the kids to be in daycare all day, not with things the way they are. I was hoping to get a nanny, so they still get some one on one care when I’m not here. I was hoping you would take the job.”

 

Jennifer was stunned. She hadn’t expected the request, and judging by Frank’s slightly worried expression, it showed.  

 

“We can discuss salary and I’d pay for your health insurance. I’m not going to lie, it could be long days sometimes; I’d need you here before I go to work obviously, and I can’t always guarantee what time I’ll be home at.” Frank continued, watching Jennifer’s reaction carefully. 

  
  


“Wow, Frank. I’m flattered that you’d think of me for the job...but, to be honest with you, now is not a good time for me to move jobs. I’ve a few personal issues at the moment, and I’m not  sure I’ll even be in the area for much longer.”

 

“You’re moving?” Frank’s disappointment couldn’t be hidden. Jennifer felt the guilt rise to her throat at the look. She felt like she owed him an explanation, even though she knew she didn’t. 

 

“I’ve recently split with my boyfriend, and I’m looking for a new place to live. It’s been pretty difficult to find anywhere.”

 

“You could stay here.” The words were out of Frank’s mouth before he’d thought them through. He seemed shocked by his own words, which were driven by desperation.

 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea Frank, it might be too much.” 

 

“Look, Jennifer, things have been hell for the last few weeks. The kids are still adjusting, and right now they need stabilty. I need someone I can trust to take care of them when I’m in work. The girls love you, and you’ve always been great with them, and Miles fond of you too.  _ I _ know you, and I won’t have to worry about the care and attention they’re getting. They’re the most important things in my life and I’d do anything to make sure they’re safe. You can stay here for as long as you need and I’ll make sure you have everything you need, just  _ please _ have a think about it before you say no.”

 

Jennifer was moved by Frank’s heartfelt words, but what he was asking for was a lot. Nannying was a lot different than daycare. It was lonely, with long days, no breaks and almost no adult interaction. She’d be around the kids nonstop. Then. she thought over the practicalities of living with a family that wasn’t her own, even if it was temporary. She’d lose a lot of freedom probably, and with the children around she wouldn’t be able to have the downtime she needed. Realistically, they wouldn’t understand the boundaries that older children would. They’d see her as an extension of the family, not an employee. Was that any better than sleeping on a couch in an apartment with her asshole of an ex? 

 

“I’ll think about it Frank. It’d be a major change for me, if I agreed. There’s a reason I didn’t go into nannying before.”

 

“I understand that Jennifer, I really do. I’ll fully compensate you for it, I promise. I know it’s a big ask, but I know it’s the right decision for the children and right now I’d do anything to make things easier for them. .”

 

His eyes were earnest,  and Jennifer felt an uncomfortable tug at her stomach. Part of her wanted to say yes on the spot, just to ease the pain she could see in his hazel eyes. It wasn’t that simple though. If she wasn’t fully committed, then it would be the children who suffered. Frank was right that they needed stability, and the last thing Jennifer knew she couldn’t back out if she accepted.

 

“Give me a day or two to think about it?” 

 

“Okay, I can do that. Let me know what you decide. I really do hope you’ll accept the offer.”

 

Jennifer nodded, not having anything else to say. She took a swing of the coffee she had forgotten about, in lieu of saying anything. Frank took a sip of his own mug, and suddenly the kitchen was filled with awkwardness.  Jennifer couldn’t help the compulsion to break the silence after a few mintues, words slipping from her tongue.

 

“I know you’ve probably heard this a lot Frank but, I am sorry for your loss.”

 

Frank just looked at her, with no real emotion on his face. Jennifer wondered if he’d heard it so many times that it no longer had any impact on him anymore.

 

“Thanks” he muttered.

 

“I should probably go” Jennifer decided, finishing her coffee and standing up.

 

“Thanks for coming Jennifer” Frank stood up after her.

 

“Could I say bye to the girls?” Jennifer asked.

 

“Of course.” Frank brought her to the living room, where the girls were sitting at a small table, drawing pictures with crayons. They looked up at Jennifer with big smiles.

 

“Will you draw with us Jenny?” They asked together.

 

Jennifer looked at Frank, who gave her a nod of approval. 

 

“I’d love to” she said, kneeling down at the table and grabbing herself a page. In that moment, Jennifer knew what her answer was going to be.

  
  
  
****

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies! 
> 
> This is my first Frank story, so I hope you all enjoy. Yes, it's a dark start but I swear it picks up! If you would be so kind as to leave some feedback, I'd be much obliged. 
> 
> Lyra xxx


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